Putting Out The Fire
by SlytherinScarf
Summary: A Danisnotonfire/Dan Howell and kind of AmazingPhil/Phil Lester fanfic. It's mostly OC, though. Tessa has cancer, and she probably isn't going to live. But when she stumbles across two of her idols in her hospital, is that all about to change? DISCLAIMER: I don't own any people or companies mentioned. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

I take a deep breath, and stare at myself in the mirror, for what is possibly the last time before I leave. I stare at my dark brown eyes, my shaped lips and my slightly too rounded nose. But, just like everyone else's, my eyes are eventually drawn to the top of my head, and the shiny skin that now occupies the space where my dark brown, almost black hair used to grow from. But that had fallen out long ago, and still hasn't grown back, thanks to the endless rounds of chemotherapy.

I feel sad as I step into the taxi, lugging my suitcase in behind me. I will miss being in my cousin's house in Herefordshire. I like the countryside and have been dreading going back to London for days. Hereford already feels like my home, with the rolling green hills, apple orchards and huge rivers you can sail down on a warm day. I've only been here for six months, but I can barely remember what London was like. Ever since I had been diagnosed with kidney cancer three years ago, everything just passed in a blur. It was just endless chemotherapy, diets and pills. I finished school; after all, what's the point anymore? It was fine at first, because anyone can live with just one kidney, but by the time they got around to the surgery, my other (my right) kidney was infected. Both tumours can't be removed, and if I don't get an organ donation, there is nothing they can do. And it doesn't look like I'm going to get one. They can't even find a compatible match in my parents, my half-sister or my cousins.

My parents sent me to stay with my cousins for 'a change of scenery', but I knew it was either a last attempt at curing me with 'fresh country air', or they just wanted me to spend time with the rest of my family before I offed it. I've got a year left at the very _very _least, according to my doctors, but you never know, right?

Anyway, I can't sleep on the journey, even though it's a four-hour ride and must be costing Dad a fortune. I don't sleep very much anymore; it scares me. I've had nightmares, really bad ones, ever since I first found out about the tumour. They're the kind where you wake up in the night, sweating and screaming, and you can't remember why.

I finally arrive at my destination – Great Ormond Street Hospital. My doctor referred me here for some cryo-therapy, whatever the hell that is, and I'm staying here for two weeks, just to see if I react to it well. From what I understood, they try and freeze the tumours somehow, to stop them growing, or at least slow them down (probably while they try and find a compatible kidney). But my doctor said that if nothing happens within the first few sessions, nothing is going to happen from then onwards. I haven't said it out loud yet, but I'm so past the point of caring anymore. They're just delaying the inevitable. We're all dying, just some of us at quicker rates than others. I don't see what the big deal is.

I walk into reception and see my dad standing there waiting for me. He's short, only slightly taller than my Mum, and that's basically where our resemblance ends – I look nothing like him. My mother once used to have hair like mine, and she has a similar nose, but I never see it when people say I look just like her. Not that they say that much, anymore. Not after she stormed out three years ago, and didn't look back until she discovered I was dying.

"Hi Tessa," he says, looking at me as though I'm an injured animal. I answer his question, before he even asks it. I know the routine.

"I'm fine Dad, really. You should go now," I say, hugging him.

"Are you sure honey?" He asks, embracing me back, "Because I'm sure I can take a day off work, and I rea-"

I cut him off midsentence and step away. "Dad, please. I'll call you if I need anything, but I think I should probably just get settled in," I say, making up the first crap that comes into my head, just to get him to leave me alone.

"Okay, I love you. I'll text tonight."

"I love you too," I reply, as a nurse ushers me towards a set of double doors. I can tell we're both keen to get out of here.

I've been sitting in my plain hospital room for several hours now. I've got a private room, which makes a nice change from the noisy, messy kids' ward I usually end up stuck in. I can also sing really badly to whatever I want without another kid throwing something at me. It's a bit lonely, though, surrounded by white bed sheets and matching walls, but that doesn't bother me so much. I've always preferred the internet to real life anyway.

I'm just scrolling down my Tumblr dashboard when two familiar faces pass my door. I jump out of my bed, unsure if my eyes are tricking me, but I open the door just to check. It looks about right. Two dark-haired guys wearing skinny jeans, the taller one wearing a My Chemical Romance t-shirt. I start to run towards them.

"Dan?! Phil?!" I exclaim.

Both the men turn, startled. I was right!

Then it hits me. I am standing in front of danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, two of the awesomest people on YouTube. I'm about to run towards them and hug them, or go fan girl crazy, when I noticed that Dan's eyes are red raw from crying, and Phil's arm is hung around his shoulder, protectively.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry." I say.

I back away slowly, unsure what to do, before I turn and just walk back into my room. I sit on my bed, shocked. How can I have been so stupid?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**AN: I just want to thank everyone for the reviews/follows/favourites. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME! *dies***

I'm being guided back to my room by a nurse after my first round of cryotherapy. It wasn't that bad, to be honest; I was out cold the whole time, and there's only a tiny incision above my kidney. I just feel a bit funny, but I came round several hours ago, and I'm fine, although I'm not going to be bouncing off of walls any time soon.

As the nurse opens the door of my room and I step inside, I notice two figures sitting by my bed.

"You have visitors," the nurse smiles as she closes the door behind me.

I'm just thinking how I _really_ do not want to have to deal with people right now, when I notice who they are. It's Dan and Phil. Again. The embarrassment of a few days ago comes flooding back, and I can feel my face turning bright red. I lean against the wall to steady myself. Maybe I don't feel as fine as I thought.

"Oh, Look, about yesterday, I'm really sorry, I uh, I guess I should've, I mean, I didn't mean to-"

Phil stands up and cut me off.

"Tessa, it's fine, really. We just thought we should explain to you what happened. We love all our viewers, and we're really sorry we couldn't meet you properly," Phil explains.

I take a deep breath, sit down on my bed, and Phil resumes his position in his chair. I'm not sure how I have refrained from screaming and hugging them yet, but I intend to keep it that way.

"Oh, uh, thanks. Wait, how do you know my name?" I reply, surprised.

Phil taps the side of his nose, knowingly. I know that they've probably got it from the hospital records or the receptionist or something, but I don't really want to push it, because of what I saw yesterday. I don't feel quite comfortable around them yet, and I get the impression that the feeling's mutual. It's probably also partly because I'm emitting crazed fangirl vibes. I mean, freaking Dan Howell and Phil Lester are in my room! I'm still not sure quite how that has happened.

Dan hasn't really spoken, or even looked at me yet, which seems a little out of character from what I've gathered from his videos, but he stands up now and walks over to me. He sits next to me on my bed and looks me directly in the eyes. I stare back, a little unsure what to do, when Dan starts to speak.

"I'm sorry, I was a mess yesterday. Um, well, basically my parents died in a car crash last year. I didn't want to post a video about it straight away, because it was too… fresh, in my mind, I guess. I've been putting it off ever since then, but maybe people do need to know," he says.

He's looking at the floor, and fiddling with hands, so I guess he's finding this conversation as awkward as I am. I just nod. I can't imagine how hard it must be for someone to lose both parents.

"Phil and I sometimes come here to help out, y'know, read to kids and stuff," he says, awkwardly.

I think he's embarrassed, but the pair just seem to become more and more perfect.

"And there was this girl. She'd been in the car with her parents, and she was the only survivor. She's an only child, like me, and she doesn't have anywhere to go and-"

His breath hitches as a tear trickles down his cheek. The sight of someone I idolize so much falling apart in front of me is too much. I wrap my arms around him and pull him towards me. As he starts to sob, he wraps his arms around me too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Dan apologises, as he pulls away from me.

"No, really, it's fine!" I say, handing him the box of tissues from my bedside table.

Phil is now sitting on the other side of Dan, his arm back around Dan's shoulder, just like it was a few days ago. I get the impression that this happens a lot, so I'm sure Phil can deal with it. I've never been one for feelings and sentimental stuff.

"I can leave if you two want some privacy or something," I offer.

Phil starts to nod, looking grateful when Dan says, "No, thanks but you shouldn't have to. You're the one in hospital here, not me…" he says.

The rooms fills with an awkward silence and I'm about to tell him that it's okay to say that I'm in hospital and he doesn't have to feel embarrassed (a lot of people do), when I realise they're both waiting for an explanation as to what I'm doing here.

"Oh, yeah, but don't worry about me. I should be out of here soon. I've only got a tumour in my kidney, kidneys, actually, but I'm not having chemo anymore, so I'm feeling great." I say, trying, and failing, to make it sound better than it actually is.

"Why _are _you here, then? If you don't mind me asking." says Dan.

"Oh, I'm having cryo-therapy. They're trying to freeze the tumours. I'll be here for a while, if it works, though," I tell him.

_"If?"_ Phil butts in.

"Well, yeah. It might not work. Probably won't, if you ask me, but they can't guarantee anything will work, unless it's a transplant, and even then, stuff can still go wrong."

"Can't they find you a kidney, then?" Phil asks.

"Nope, nothing," I reply

Dan appears a little stunned by my nonchalance, but I've had time to get used to the idea. I don't get why death is so taboo anymore, especially seeing as it's my own.

"But there'll probably be something soon, right?" he says.

"That's what I've been told, but they've been telling me that ever since it was diagnosed, when I was thirteen. I've had three years of false promises and let-downs and I've had plenty of time to come to terms with it," I sigh.

"Come to terms with what?" Phil says, confused.

"Dying."

"Oh," they whisper, simultaneously.

Their reaction sparks something in me that I've never felt before; something like loss. I could be dead within a year. Poof. Gone, just like that. No more Tessa. I'll only have experienced a tiny fraction of life, compared to everyone else I know. And now I'm so far into treatment, I never will be able to. I feel myself tearing up. Maybe I'm not as well-adjusted as I thought.

'Well, I knew that,' I think to myself as I push my bracelets aside and brush my fingertips over the scars on my wrist.

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long, but I've had so much school work and stuff. Please tell me what you think of this chapter - I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, and feel free to give constructive criticism! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"What are you doing?" Dan asks.

I quickly pull my hoodie sleeve down to hide my wrist, thankful that I was allowed to change back into my own clothes after the therapy.

"Nothing," I smile, calmly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" says Phil.

"I'm fine, I swear," I lie. "You get used to it."

"Well, we should probably go," says Dan.

"Yeah," Phil agrees, "but it was lovely to meet you. And again, we're really sorry about the other day."

"Please, don't be! It was great to finally meet you too," I say, as I open the door for them.

"Bye!" They both wave at me as they walk down the corridor.

I wave back, with a smile on my face that fades immediately after I shut the door.

I collapse onto my bed, face down and I groan. So that's that, my claim to fame, and I don't even have a picture to show for it. I really like Dan and Phil, but I'm sure I seemed like such an idiot. It's no wonder they left so quickly when I was talking about death like that. It creeps people out; I've learnt that from experience, and now, well, I've just screwed everything up again, haven't I?

I decide to go outside and take some pictures. That always calms me down. When I was younger I used to want to be some form of photographer. Maybe of wildlife, or even just artistically. The thought of someone paying for my pictures would just be amazing. But, well, there isn't exactly much point thinking about jobs now anyway, is there? But that's okay. Nothing's going to stop me taking pictures. Not even when I'm at the bitter end. If I'm still conscious, I'll still be pressing that shutter. That way, I've figured, there's still going to be a piece of me left behind. I piece that tells my story. And it's going to be piece that's truly mine. That's more than I can ever wish for, if this therapy doesn't work.

I sit outside. It's quite a nice day, albeit a little chilly. The autumnal colours make a lovely background to my pictures, but I can't really concentrate today. I'm feeling lonely now that Phil and Dan have left. I never really noticed it before, but their arrival has made me realise that I don't have a best friend, definitely not a friendship like theirs. I'm not very close to my family, apart from my cousins. I've never really fitted in anywhere.

As I go back inside, starting to shiver, that little voice in the back of my head is telling me that it's far too late to change.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long, but I've had a ton of school stuff going on. Also, this is probably going to be the last/second last chapter for a while because NaNoWriMo! I don't know why I put myself through this each year, I really don't… Once again, thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this! Please tell me what you think or what you'd like to see more of. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**A/N: Sorry for being away for so long, but I won NaNoWriMo, so, it was kind of worth it. I guess… Okay, not really, but thanks for putting up with it. Not that you really had a choice... See? NaNo rambling – I really need to stop this. But thanks, I love you guys!**

It's been a few days since I met Dan and Phil. I kind of want to tweet them or something, but I know I'll just become one of those really irritating annoying fangirls, constantly pining for their attention. It sucks, but so has pretty much everything else in my life up to this point, so I just have to let it go.

I've had another cryosurgery appointment, and there's been no difference yet, although the nurses are telling me there's still plenty of time. I really don't have anything left to do but wait.

As I'm scrolling through my tweets, I see Dan tweeted about ten minutes ago. I read it.

'_I just wanted to let you guys know that my video will be uploaded tomorrow. It's going to be VERY different and I want it to be just right'._

Dan always uploads his videos a day late and I have never understood why he doesn't just film them and edit them a day early, so they're uploaded on time. Although I guess that's not an option for the world's biggest procrastinator.

As If by magic, the door swings open, and I see Dan and Phil stroll right through it. They're talking into a little red portable camera. I think I recognise it from their 'Day in the Life' video.

"So, finally, after that big ass build up, here is the girl herself, Tessa!" Dan announces.

I slam my laptop lid shut, and stare, open mouthed, at Dan and Phil. For a split second, I was glad that I was wearing my own clothes, and not the ridiculous hospital gown that they had tried to get me into. But then I realise that Dan and Phil are filming me. They are filming ME.

"What?" I cry.

"Well, she clearly wasn't expecting us!" Dan laughs.

"We're sorry for just coming with no warning, but we didn't want this to be rehearsed or anything," Phil says.

I nod, unsure as to exactly what is happening.

"You see, we accidentally stumbled onto Tessa a few days ago, while we were in the hospital, and"

Dan is interrupted by Phil's laughter, as he covers his mouth with his hand, and almost drops the red camera he's holding.

"Phil! It didn't even sound wrong until you laughed!" Dan yelled.

"I think he meant stumbled upon, not onto!" Phil explains to the camera.

"Yeah, well, anyway," Dan continues, sobering up a little, "We met her the other day, in this hospital, and she made me realise something. Tessa's dying, you see. She has a tumour in each kidney, and unless she can get an implant, she has no promises. And yet she saw us pass outside her door, and she still ran to meet us. She has cancer, and she _ran_."

I nod. I didn't really think about it at the time, but having cancer was exhausting, and I've got used to the pain in my stomach, but I guess that doesn't stop it from being there.

"And yet she saw I was crying, and she left me alone. No questions asked. All of our phans are real people, with issues of their own. But I don't feel I've been completely honest with you about some of my issues. Phil has been amazing helping me get through this, and I don't know why I thought you guys wouldn't be, but I know you will." He pauses. "The thing is, my parents died, a few years ago. I had no siblings, nobody except for Phil. But you have become my family. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to admit, but I need you guys. So, consider this to be an appreciation video. A video about how awesome you guys are, even though you make me talk about placentas and do sexy dances. The phamily is epic," he smiled.

"It's just a shame it took a dying girl for you to see it," I smile back, sadly.

"Don't think like that," Phil says, walking towards me.

He and Dan both sit on my bed, next to me.

"And this brings us to segment number two, of tonight's video!" Dan announces, sounding a little more cheerful.

Phil starts to speak, "Tessa here has helped us in more ways than she can imagine. I know she feels like she was possibly just in the right place at the right time, or wrong time, depending on how you look at it. In fact, she probably was, but we still want to thank her for it. We've only talked to her for a day, but she's a lovely person. She's far too awesome to be stuck in this hospital. She's far too friendly and kind to be dying. But she is, and that sucks. But Dan and I are going to see if we can stop that from happening."

I look at him, unsure if he's saying what I think he is. He can't be.

"We're going to see if we have compatible kidneys," Dan says. "It's a slim chance, but it could just make a difference. And because of that, we want you to try too. We're not saying donate a lung, or half of your intestines or anything radical like that, but donate blood if you want. Make sure you're a registered donor for when you die. Because if all of you do that, you could save literally millions of lives; and if those lives are as great as Tessa's should be, it will be well worth it."

Phil continues, "We don't normally do this sort of thing, but we want to. If even only a few of you do this, so many people will live. Tessa's wonderful, and we want to get to know her better. But more than that, we want to save her. We'll keep you updated, and hopefully you'll be seeing a lot more of her, for a very long time."

With that, Phil switched off the camera.

"What was that?" I say, unable to wipe the look of complete and utter bewilderment off of my face. "Did you mean it?"

"What? Of course!" Phil says.

"You honestly didn't think we were just saying that, did you?" asks Dan.

I decide not to answer that. Frankly, I'm not so sure. I've spent so much time separated from my friends, and I was hardly popular to begin with.

"You'd really consider giving me one of your _organs_?" I say.

"Well, it sounds a lot bigger than it really is when you say it like that…" Dan admits.

I couldn't believe it. It was a huge deal.

"You're just banking on the probability that neither of your kidneys is going to be even remotely compatible, aren't you?" I cry.

I jump off of my bed and stalk towards the door. Why even would they want to do this? They don't even know me. They wouldn't be willing to do this, and frankly, the chances that anything would happen are remote. I feel stupid for having believed them, just for a second.

Just when I reach the door, I feel a tight grip on my wrist. I withhold a small scream, and pull it away, remembering the marks made from years before. I turn around, and Dan is standing there in front of me, a look of complete regret on his face. Phil is hovering behind him, seemingly unsure as to what he should do. I'm just waiting for them to announce that they're leaving. Half of me is tempted to open the door for them. I can't be bothered to deal with crappy excuses and broken promises. That's all my life has led up to so far.

"Why did you do that?" Dan says.

"Do what?" I reply.

"The little hissy thing; like you wanted to scream." He explains.

"I don't know what you're on about," I lie, making my way back around both of them to sit on my bed. "You can go now."

"No," says Dan.

"We don't want to," Phil adds. "We meant what we said."

"We want to get to know you and we'd really appreciate that chance."

"Why can't I get to know you?" I ask.

"You already do! I have an obsession with Delia Smith and placentas. Phil has an obsession with lions. We both love Muse, My Chem, and Kanye West and I eat far too many Maltesers. You know all of this stuff about us from our videos, but your name's Tessa. You have cancer. That's all we know."

We chat for hours – about my favourite colour (dark blue), my favourite bands (MCR, Green Day, Foo Fighters), and how both Dan and I can't stand people touching our necks. Of course, a poking war quickly ensues, and I end up on the floor, curled into a ball. My hands are around my neck, and I squeal whenever anyone approaches me.

A nurse slams the door open.

"What is going on in here?" she yells. "Who are you? Get out!" she points at Dan and Phil.

Meekly, they walk out of the room and Phil points at my bedside table. I can't work out what he's going, but the nurse is staring daggers at each of us, so I just climb back into my bed. Before I know it, I'm asleep. Dan and Phil's visit was amazing, but I'm exhausted.

I hear a knock at my door, and I open my eyes, groggily. Through the small pane of glass on it, I see Mum and Dad standing there, looking concerned. I wave them in, yawning, and they quietly shut the door behind them. I'm not sure what I should be most worried about; the fact that they're concerned about something or the fact that they're together. The last time I saw both of them in the same place was when the doctor insisted that all three of us should be together when he announced my tumour.

They walk up and stand by my bed. I look at them questioningly, and Mum begins to talk.

"Honey, the nurses told us that you were talking to two men earlier, and we wanted to talk to you about it," she says, cutting right to the chase.

There were no hellos, no pleasantries, just what my mother telling me what she wanted. Typical.

"Well, yeah, but I know them, kind of…" I explain.

"Kind of?!" my mother screeches.

She makes it sound as though they're rapists.

"Yeah, I've just never met them in person, but I know them through the internet. They're like celebrities, it's really no big deal," I argue.

"So what are these celebrities' names then?" Dad asks me. I can hear the sarcasm around the word 'celebrities'.

"Uh, Phil Lester and Dan Howell."

Suddenly, Mum takes a step back, shocked.

"What, what is it, Mum?" I ask, confused at her reaction.

"Oh, nothing, sweetie," she replies. I can tell she's lying. "But your father and I should probably get going, give you some time to rest. We'll see you soon."

They hurry out of the room, leaving me feeling confused and abandoned.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

I slide back under my covers, not wanting to be disturbed again. I'm just tired. I just want to sleep. Why is that so much to ask for? You'd think in a hospital that would pretty much be all you do, but with nurses checking in on you every hour or so, you can never get a proper rest.

Throughout the next few days, I'm taken for two more sessions, and I sleep on and off most of the time. I haven't expected them to be, but they are almost as exhausting as the chemo. But I can still keep down solid food, and my hair is growing back, so I'm not complaining. I'm surprised at how quickly it's growing, and still the same dark brown as before. It's already like Emma-Watson-immediately-after-last-Harry-Potter-movie length. It's good, to be totally honest. A little sad that I have nothing else to be pleased about.

But my hair isn't exactly on the front of my mind, as I'm woken by a buzzing from next to my head. I shoot out of the bed, for a second thinking that it's a bee or wasp. But then I realise that my phone is vibrating with a text message. I'm surprised; it hasn't done that in a while. I look towards it, debating whether it will be one of my few, vague friends, or either of my parents. Neither seems likely. The text is displayed on the screen, but what first catches my eye is the name above it.

**_Dan_**

_phil gave me your number and he said he put both of ours on your phone. i hope that's ok. just wanted to tell you we are going in for blood tests the day after tomorrow, but we'll see you after that. wish us luck! also the video will be up later. x_

God, I'd forgotten about the video. I'm really not sure what to make of everything. The video, the phandom, the blood tests; it's all quite a lot to take in at once. Again, scrolling through Tumblr takes up a lot of my time, but eventually the video is up. I watch it, slightly nervous, because I hate how my recorded voice sounds. I come off ridiculously posh, but it's not too bad. There's a little bit about my condition, we chat, then they talk about donating their kidneys. I'm almost reduced to tears seeing what they are prepared to do for me. They barely even know me.

But then a nurse appears in my doorway, and I quickly pull myself together. She opens the door.

"Tessa Nightingale?" she asks.

"Yes?"

"Doctor Song has requested that you go for a scan," she says, picking up the file from the end of my bed.

"Umm. Okay," I say, taking the hideously spotted hospital gown that she passes to me.

I emerge from the MRI machine, the bright light of the room blinding my eyes. I shrug my dressing gown on, and step into my slippers. I male nurse accompanies me back to my room, giving me comforting smiles the whole way. I knew I had just had the final scan. For all I know, this might be the moment where it is discovered my tumours have reduced. Or maybe there are more. Any number of things could happen, and I'm surprisingly calm. Like it's just a regular check-up. But the results won't come through for at least another day, at the earliest. So there is nothing to do but wait.

It's a day later, and the sky is a dark grey when I'm woken up. I open my eyes and notice the same nurse who came into my room yesterday.

"Doctor Song would like to see you know. Please go to his office once you have finished breakfast," she informs me, and leaves abruptly.

I barely touch my breakfast, guessing that my results have come in. I haven't thought much about it, and to be honest, I don't really expect anything to happen. But I'm not going to lie; it would be nice.

When I arrive, I sit at Doctor Song's desk, and from the grave expression on his ageing face, I can tell it isn't good news. He must be around sixty, and it seems like he's had to deliver this sort of news far too many times. I feel kind of sorry for him, and I don't want to drag this meeting out for any longer than absolutely necessary.

"No change, then?" I ask, as nonchalantly as is humanly possible.

He leans forward in his desk. "Unfortunately, no. I can see no change in the tumours. They have not grown in these last few weeks, but that may have nothing to do with your therapy. If you and your parent are okay with this, we believe stopping the treatment to conserve our resources and your energy, would be the best course of action."

I nod, having expected this result. Before I can say any more, he continues his monologue.

"Good, then we'll get your parents in over the next few days. While they are here, we can also talk about something else. As you are aware, these are slow growing tumours, however they are particularly invasive. We would be unable to operate without removing your kidneys entirely. However two young men have visited us, saying they know you, and if possible, wish to donate you one of their kidneys. As long as you watch your diet and live a healthy lifestyle, here is no reason why you wouldn't be able to live a long and fulfilling life with just one kidney. However, I do not wish to get your hopes up, I just wanted to check that you were aware of their actions."

"Uh, yeah, I was. They talked to me about it first," I explained.

"Good," he smiled. "I will speak to your parents about this, after the boys have had their blood tests tomorrow. Is there anything else I can help with?"

I paused, not sure if I wanted to know the answer to the question I was about to ask.

"Well, what do you think the likeliness of either of them being able to help is? And I mean seriously."

Honestly?" he asked, "Considering that there are two of them, about one in two or three hundred."

"And if they don't match, how long do you think I have left. Not 'at least' or 'quite a while'. In your personal opinion, how long will it be before I die?" I say, bluntly.

"Well, these things are hard to calculate..." he trails off when he notices my expression. "A year, not much more."

I'm going to have one more birthday, one more Christmas, and part of me wonders how much of that time is going to be spent wasting away in hospitals and losing my dignity. I never thought I cared that much, but now my only hope is Dan and Phil; two guys who in reality I barely know. Now everything is becoming much more real, and it's scaring me, more than I ever thought it would.

I stand up and leave the room. I need some air.

**A/N: Sorry there wasn't much Dan and Phil in this chapter, I just had to fill some stuff in, but I promise they'll have a big part from now on. Also, I've been really busy with Christmas and homework, and my laptop's broken and I'm having an operation on my wrist and everything is falling to pieces but I promise I'll try and upload more regularly! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**A/N I'm really really sorry it took me so long to update, but I had an operation on my hand, and I was stuck in hospital, and then I was really ill and I'm just the world's biggest procrastinator, and I'll try to upload more, but the next chapter's gonna be a KILLER, so it'll take ages to write, but it'll be worth it (I hope) so yeah sorry.**

There's a knock on my door, and I gesture for Dan and Phil to come in. From the delicate way they're both holding their arms, I can guess were they've just been.

"Had the blood test, huh?" I ask.

Dan nods, and Phil shudders.

"I hate needles," Phil complains.

"Me too!" I agree. I've been coming into far too much contact with them in the last few months.

"I'm surrounded by wusses…" Dan teases.

"So, do you know when you get the results?" I ask, subtly. I've decided not to tell them about my meeting with Doctor Song. It's hardly fair to make them think that they have to do this, or it's their fault if it goes wrong.

"I'm not sure, But probably only a few days. I guess they'd want to find out pretty quickly," Phil reassures me.

'Yeah, they would now,' I think to myself.

Dan and Phil sit on the bed either side of me. I look up at them, my brow furrowed.

"Is everything okay?" Dan asks, his concern evident on his face.

"What? Of course it is!" I lie, faking a grin. "I just don't want you two to feel, like, under pressure or anything."

"It's fine Tessa, we don't," Phil says.

"Yeah, it's not like a _lung _or anything. Who even needs a kidney?" Dan laughs.

"Um, me?" I reply.

They both laugh. I wasn't trying to be funny, but I laugh along anyway. I notice Dan looking across me towards Phil, and I pretend not to notice the meaningful look being exchanged. I don't want to get involved in any of their business. And I don't want them to feel bad about leaving, because I can't think of anything else they'd want to do right now. What with everything that's happened to me, even before the cancer, my self-esteem is about as low as it can get.

Dan and Phil both stand up, and I realise that they _are _going to leave. I look down, ready for them to make up some crappy excuse like everyone else does, but they each take one of my hands and pull me up, off of my bed.

Confused, I look at Phil, then Dan.

"What?" I say.

"We, uh, have something to give you," Dan begins.

I'm very confused. They're both prepared to give me a freaking organ!

"Haven't you done enough for me? I mean, I appreciate it, more than you can imagine, even, but I really-"

"Tessa!" Phil cries.

I'm shocked into silence by his sudden outburst. Dan was always the bitchy, sassy one, or at least that's how it came across. But I didn't know them as people, just AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire. They had their own lives, and for some reason, I had become a tiny part of that. It was too late for reading fanfic and internally crying 'asdfghjkl'. They had something to say to me, and clearly, I should just shut up.

"Sorry," I apologise.

"We know you're bored, and probably lonely, and frankly a bit scared," Phil said, walking closer to me. His tone and changed and the kindness in his voice was evident.

I said nothing, not admitting it, but not exactly denying it, either.

"We thought you might want something to pass the time, and, well, keep you company, I guess," he continued.

"We bought you a camera!" Dan exclaimed, whipping one out, from behind his back. He was good; I hadn't even noticed he was hiding anything.

"What?"

"Yeah, like the fandom wanted to get to know you, and we thought it could be really interesting, vlogging or something from a hospital," Dan explained.

"Only if you want to," interjected Phil.

"Really?!" I stand up and extend my hand, reaching out to touch the camera. It's one fancy ass piece of equipment.

"I- I really don't think I can take this," I protest. "You've been so nice to me, and you're spending _money _on me, and I can't do anything to repay you, and I feel like I should, and really, I want you to know that I really appreciate it and, and-"

My breath hitches, and I let out a huge sob, collapsing onto my bed.

Dan and Phil rush to my side.

"What's the matter?" Phil asks.

"I went to see the doctor yesterday, and do you _know _what the chances are of this working?! I've probably got less than a year left, and I've wasted my life away, I've ruined it and _I don't want to die," _I burst out.

I didn't mean it. Well, I did, but I really didn't want to say it, and now it was too late. But I wasn't in much of a mood to care. I just collapsed onto Dan's shoulder, my tears soaking his shirt, as I shut my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I'd be really interested to see what you guys think about this, so please review/PM me if you have anything to say! :D**

**Chapter Eight**

Groggily, I open my eyes, still heavy with sleep, and I wipe the drool away from the side of my mouth. I sit up, and almost scream.

Phil's over there, asleep, in a chair. They visited. Yesterday. I cried. Ohmygod no. Dan. I look to my left, and Dan's just waking up, obviously interrupted by my awakening. Probably something to do with the fact that I was asleep, lying on his _arm _with my head on his _chest. _

But I'm a little confused. Why am I not fangirling? I'm not happy, not like I have a crush on him. I can think of a thousand other people who would kill to be in my place, and I don't want to kiss him or anything.

You crazy freak of nature, Tessa.

But now Dan's fully awake, and I reckon Phil's coming round now, too.

"Look, about yesterday. I'm sorry. I was tired, and emotional, and"

Dan silences me with a big bear hug. , but he seems a bit awkward about it. I can hardly blame him.

"So, you're okay now?" he asks.

"I think so…" I reply.

He smiles, as Phil comes over, still rubbing his eyes.

"What's the time?" He says, as if nothing had happened. I'm quite glad that he wanted to change the subject.

I grab my phone from the desk, which still hasn't received a single message since Dan's text. Not even from my parents. The clock reads 10:41 am. How long have we been sleeping? Or, more likely, how long had I been sleeping?

"Twenty to eleven," I announce.

"We should probably get going, but we've asked to be told the results when you are, if that's okay?" Phil says.

I nod. "Yeah, that's fine. I reckon a shower would be a good idea for me too." I try not to think about the results yet.

They both wish me goodbye, promising to visit soon, as they leave the room. But Dan pops his head back in.

"What you said, yesterday, about not wanting to die, why- why hadn't you said anything before?"

I looked down at my hands. "I don't know. I guess I didn't realise."

Dan was clearly confused, but thankfully, he sensed it was none of his business. He quietly shut the door behind him, and I went for a shower, refusing to think about what I'd said, or the situation in which I would probably see them next.

I return from my shower, get dressed, and I read for about two hours, before I notice that the camera Dan bought is resting on the chair where Phil slept, along with the box that I'm guessing it came in. I walk over to it, and pick it up.

It's very fancy, and I can't bear to think how much it must have cost. But they've gone to so much trouble, I guess I can hardly not use it. It would be rude. I've always wanted to do vlogs or something, but my excuse has always been that I don't have the equipment. In reality, I obviously don't have the courage, but, let's face it, I've got nothing better to do.

I try not to think about how if I don't do it this year, I probably won't ever get the chance.

I open the camera, turn it on and press record.

"_Uh, so, hi, I'm Tessa. Some of you might now me. I'm the girl with cancer from Dan and Phil's video. I'm in the hospital, and I've got nothing better to do, so I'm going to try and start vlogging. Sorry about that. If you know what's good for you, leave now… Actually, I have literally no idea what I'm going to talk about. Yeah, let's start to vlog, Tessa. Yeah, that's a good plan Tessa. Yeah, who needs to be prepared, Tessa. Yeah, talking to yourself doesn't make you sound crazy _at all, _Tessa. Okay, I'm just gonna stop…"_

It's the next day, and I think I'm ready to start vlogging again. I'm going to continue where I left off, but this time I know what I'm going to talk about. Sort of.

_"I've decided I want to talk to you about my illness and hospital and stuff. Partially because I've never seen anyone do that, but mostly because I have absolutely nothing else going on in my life right now. So, where to start? It first started as a recurring stomach ache. I wish I'd got it checked out straight away, now. They probably could have done something. But anyway, this was-"_

I'm interrupted by a knock at the door. I look up, and there's a nurse holding my door ajar.

"Doctor Song wants to see you," she announces.

"Okay, I'll be there in a sec."

There's only one thing I can think of that Doctor Song would want to talk to me about.

Very slowly, I wander down to his office, my head willing my limbs to move faster, and my body not cooperating in the slightest.

Hesitantly, I knock on the door, but my mind's mostly blank. I can barely think. I'm beckoned in, and I sit in front of his desk, acknowledging Dan and Phil's presence beside me. Doctor Song starts speaking, and I have to concentrate to listen to him. I think part of me doesn't want to know the answer.

"Tessa?"

I look up, suddenly snapping back into reality.

"Sorry, I blanked out for a second there," I smile, concealing my vigorously shaking hands in my lap.

"So, as I was saying, we've been able to analyse both Dan and Phil's blood samples, and I wanted everyone to be here to tell you this," he continues.

Silence has filled the room. We all seemed to have leaned forward in anticipation.

My heart's beating so fast I think it might crack my ribs.

I'm feeling a little lightheaded.

Is it just me, or is everything getting a little darker?

Am I going to faint?

Why is it taking so long for him to say anything?

"We have found a match for you, but, if you don't mind me asking, why did you not tell us about your brother before?" he says.

"What?!" I exclaim, standing up.

"Yes, your brother," he repeats. "His kidney is a compatible match."

I'm about to correct him. I don't have a brother. I can't possibly have a brother, right. I look at Phil, then Dan, for confirmation.

I look into Dan's eyes.

The eyes that are

the exact same

shade of

brown

as

mine.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I rush out of the room. This can't be real. This can't be happening.

I slam the heavy door shut behind me, and lie against the wall opposite. I'm panting heavily, and I'm shaking from head to toe. I slide down the wall, unable to contemplate what has happened. I just stare at the scratched surface of the door, and listen to the muffled noises coming from inside. I'm really scared now, and I'm choking up. I don't have time to think about whether it's because I can have a transplant, or Dan's my brother, or my life is a lie.

Dan. My brother. Oh God.

If I wasn't having a panic attack earlier, I'm certainly having one now. My shallow, sickening breaths make my chest heave and my vision swim. My skin itches so bad that I just want to tear it all off. I want space. And why's everything so goddamn _loud _and _sharp_? I clamp my hands over my ears. Why won't the nurses just shut _up? _Why won't they leave me alone? And why am I having a panic attack, after all this time?

I don't remember how I got here, curled up in a ball on the bed in my room. I might have fainted, or someone walked me here and calmed me down. It's hard to tell in the veiled, distant reality of a panic attack. Everything's all so real, and yet far away at the same time, you just don't know what's going on.

But I do know that I don't want to open my eyes. I have a feeling that the scenario which awaits me will not only be embarrassing, but extremely confusing and I'll be damned if it's not at least a bit scary, too.

But I know everyone's probably feeling that way, and I can't be so selfish, anymore, seeing as I'm not dying. So much…

And I have a sort-of-brother. I think.

I open my eyes, and I'm not even surprised to see Dan sitting next to my bed. I can't see Phil anywhere. Although, I guess our… situation… makes things a little more private now.

I sit up and try to regain my composure, brushing my tangled mass of hair from out of my eyes. It isn't easy.

"Are you alright now?" Dan asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I think so, thanks," I smile weakly, shaking off the last of my grogginess.

Dan looks a bit awkward. I bet I do too – I can't exactly blame him, can I?

"Um, do you want to talk about this?" He says.

"Not particularly," I reply, laughing.

It still hasn't really sunk in yet. I mean, Dan. Brother. Does not compute. At least I'm handling it better than I was earlier, although I might still be in shock…

Dan smiles, but soon an awkward silence fills the room. It's clear that neither of us knows the social protocol for this sort of situation. I doubt there even _is _one.

So what now?

Do I even _want _a brother?

What about my parents?

Wait, whose parents are they?

"How did they know?" I ask, suddenly. "Like, which one of us – Who's…?"

"Adopted?"

I nod gravely.

"Dan takes a deep breath. "You."

Oh. I'm adopted. My parents aren't my real parents. So my real parents are Dan's parents.

My real parents are dead.

Oh.

I look at Dan, and from the look on his face, I can tell he's been waiting for me to realise this the whole time.

"So it's just me and you then, huh?" I say.

He nods, and gives me one of those pathetic half-smiles, for some reason looking even more defeated than I've ever seen him before, even though, all of a sudden, he's got more family than he's had in a long time. And in a strange way, I think, so do I.

**A/N: Thanks for all the follows and favourites and please feels free to review, because I love hearing what you think. Also, my Easter holidays are just about to start, and I have like a billion essays, so I won't be uploading many chapters for a while, but I'll try my best!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Look, I think I should go," Dan says. "But, I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything."

I raise my eyebrows. He laughs.

"Fine, this is a little weird… I was just saying, like, I don't want you to feel pressured. You already have a real family, and they must mean a lot to you, and I don't want to get in the way of that. I don't want to ruin anything you have."

I snort with ironic laughter, and this time it's Dan's turn to raise his eyebrow.

"I've talked to you, today alone, at least three times as much as I've talked to my family all week. My adopted family at least…" I finish, a little confused. This whole family – naming situation might get a little complicated. I seem to be thinking about this a little more rationally now, which is nice, albeit rather surprising.

Dan looks at me, puzzled. "Why not?"

"They just don't seem to want to talk to me right now. I can't blame them, though. This whole thing must be very stressful for them."

Of course, I know it's not just that.

"But it is for you, too."

Dan shakes his head in wonder. I just shrug.

"Do they know yet?" I ask. I'm getting really good at this whole changing-the-subject-thing.

Dan immediately knows who I'm talking about.

"I don't know, but Doctor Song said he had to tell them about the transplant because you're under eighteen."

"So, what do we do?" I ask, cautiously.

Of course, as 'luck' would have it, Dan never has to come up with a solution, because at that moment, both my parents burst through the doorway.

"Tess! Oh, my Tessy!" My mother shrieks, bundling me into her arms. My eyes widen in surprise, and I let out a small squeak.

It doesn't register that my parents are together, and they could have been waiting outside, listening carefully to every word of our conversation; I'm just terrified to find out what they know.

"Is this the boy, then?" My dad interrupts, looking at Dan.

I nod, as Dan extends a hand to him and my dad shakes it vigorously. Dan opens his mouth to speak, but he can't utter a single syllable before my dad pulls him into his chest, in the most affectionate man-hug I think I've ever seen.

I'm thrown by this sudden, uncharacteristic display of affection from both of my parents. Obviously, it's clear now that they don't know about who Dan really is. I know that they don't know that I know I'm adopted (damn, this is getting complicated).

I had been worried before, thinking that they knew about Dan, but now I know they don't, the weight on my shoulders hasn't lifted like I expected it to. If anything, it's gotten worse. I now have to break it to them, and I'm honestly not sure that I'm capable of that.

But I push away from my mum's arms. It's not right. They've been distant for so long and now the second that everything's better, here they are, rushing back and pretending they were here the whole time. But you know who has been here the whole time? Dan, that's who. Up until recently, he didn't even know I existed, but he's been here for me more than my parents have since this whole thing started. It's like my parents don't even care anymore. They're just keeping up appearances, but they don't want to support me through the hard times. I'll be fucked if they think I'm going to support them.

"Why did you never tell me I was adopted?"

_Crap._


End file.
